Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Friday, February 17, 2012

Undertaking Death


It is inevitable - we will all die. And for most of us a funeral or memorial service will be held. But what is the advantage of this service?  Why do we expect it, and continue to do it?  Who really benefits from it?


Funeral Rites
Funeral rites have always been a part of our civilization.  All successful cultures have believed that the dead needed attended to in a proper manner. Burial grounds dating back to 60,000 BC show that gifts were left next to the body and rituals were performed - by Neanderthal man.



There are three conditions that are always found when dealing of the dead:

1) Funeral rites, ceremonies or rituals are held
2) The dead are taken to a sacred place to be left
3) The dead are memorialized in some manner


Many death rites and ceremonies were based in fear. They were used to protect the living from evil spirits that were associated with being in or near the dead body.

Sacrifices were offered after a death to appease these evil spirits, or to assist the deceased into another world.

Today, many of our funeral customs are still based in pagan rituals. 



For example:
Lighting candles was originally a way to keep evil spirits at bay while dealing with the dead.








Covering the deceased’s face with a cloth was actually done to stop their spirit from escape through the mouth, possibly stopping death from taking them.


Mourning clothes came about in order to fool returning spirits who might want to take others with them.






Wakes were originally held to make sure that the person was dead and did not ‘wake’ up.





Sending flowers with the body was a way of gaining favor with the dead.






Funeral music began as ancient chants used to pacify the spirits.





The tolling of bells began during medieval times as a way to warn evil spirits away.








Gathering after the funeral for food and fellowship began as a way to offer food to the gods or deceased for special favors.




Why Embalm?
In ancient times, embalming was done so that the soul would not leave the body.  It was believed that the soul would stay as long as the body was intact. Embalming was also done for sanitary reasons.


Dr Thomas Holmes
In America, embalming became accepted during the Civil War. President Lincoln was interested in a way to send soldiers home for interment.   Dr. Thomas Holmes embalmed over 4,000 soldiers and officers so that they could be returned to their families for a proper burial. Once Holmes understood the potential of embalming, he resigned his commission and offered embalming to the public for $100.

Lenin
In our modern world, embalming is used to disinfect the body.  It is also a sanitary way to preserve the body for the visitation and funeral service. Embalming can also lend a life-like appearance to the deceased and improve the appearance of someone who had a traumatic death.

The Funeral Service

Ceremonies and rites were originally held to placate the spirits.  But for hundreds of years, funeral services have been held to assist the living in expressing their grief, find support through friends and family, and celebrate the deceased’s life. 

Each step of the service is a part of the grieving process. Having the body present during a visitation assists the bereaved in recognizing the reality of death.  According to Dr. Erich Lindemann, American author and psychiatrist, specializing in bereavement, The moment of truth comes when living persons confront the fact of death by looking at the body. Grief is a feeling. If you deny it, you have difficulty coping with it, but if you face it, you start the process of healthful mourning!”

The visitation and funeral service also allows visitors an opportunity to remember the deceased and share those memories with others.  It is a way to honor and celebrate the deceased’s accomplishments and life.

The final step, the committal of the remains, helps the survivors acknowledge that they must now break with the past and move on into the future without their loved one.




The Grief Cycle
A description of the cycle of grief was first introduced in 1969 by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, after studying more than 500 dying people.  It consists of five stages that a person goes through when dealing with death or tragedy.

1) Denial - Usually only a temporary defense.
2) Anger – A person realizes that they cannot continue with the denial and moves into this phase where blaming and rage occur.
3) Bargaining – Trying to negotiate for more time.
4) Grieving/Depression – This is the stage where the certainity of death is understood.
5) Acceptance – The last stage where a person comes to terms with death or tragedy. 

These stages are not necessarily felt in this order but everyone goes through at least two of them. Women are more likely to experience all five.  Results from the study indicated that those who felt they had found their purpose in life faced death with less fear than those who had not.


Sir William Gladstone summed it up best, "
Show me the manner in which a nation cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals."

~ Joy

Friday, June 17, 2011

Remembering Fathers in the Cemetery


Sonora Smart Dodd

This Sunday is Father’s Day, a day which is celebrated on the third Sunday of June each year in the United States.  Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea of having a special day to honor fathers in 1909.

William Johnson Smart
Sonora’s father, William Smart, was a widower whose wife died while giving birth to their sixth child.  He raised all six children by himself.  Sonora felt that all fathers should be honored for their selfless actions with a special day.  She chose June because that was the month of her father’s birth.  The first official Father’s Day celebration was held on June 19th, 1910 in Spokane, Washington.

A bill to gain national attention for the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913.  In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge publicly backed the idea, but stopped short of issuing a national proclamation.  It was 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation honoring fathers by declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father’s Day.    President Richard Nixon made it a permanent national holiday by signing it into law in 1972.
 
A day to celebrate fathers is held in over 50 countries around the world, usually in May, June or the early autumn.  Some Catholic countries celebrate it on the Feast of St. Joseph.  The flower symbolic of Father’s Day, is the rose.  Red is to be worn for a living father and white for a father who has passed on.



Statistics show that Father’s Day is the fifth most popular holiday for the sending of cards.  It is estimated that $95 million is spent on cards each year.  This includes cards not just for fathers, but grandfathers, uncles, sons and son-in-laws.  And although more direct phone calls are made on Mother’s Day, more collect calls occur on Father’s Day.




There are many quotes about fathers including:

"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was." -- Anne Sexton

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." -- Sigmund Freud


"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in
any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
-- Bill Cosby




 In cemeteries too, fathers are remembered and honored in many ways and by various names.  A father who acted as teacher, disciplinarian, protector and friend is one to be honored and remembered.
















Miss me, but let me go
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free
Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go
For this is a journey that we must all take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the Master's plan
A step on the road home
When you are lonely, and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go
~ Anonymous















Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other
That we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes
We enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me,
Let my name be ever the household word that
It always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am
Out of sight? I am but waiting for you
For an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner .
All is well.
~ Canon Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)


Happy Father’s Day!

~ Joy